Apologies & Current Goal

I'm embarrassed by my lack of attention to this blog. I had my best intentions in keeping up to date and becoming a larger part of the blogging community but last semester was an overwhelming and stressful time for me and this blog was not one of my priorities. To the few readers I had, I'm sorry for my long leave. Although I don't have a consistent blogging schedule planned out, I do plan on trying to post more frequently, hopefully at least once a week. 


I think I entered my quarter-life crisis early, beginning some time during my reflective winter break. I was freaking out. And have been since. I'm in the process of changing my major to genetics, my scholarships keep me locked into a math, science, technology, education, or engineering major, but I have no interest in any of those subjects recently. What I am in interested in is psychology, sociology, ethics, foreign languages, art, music, history, and any other subject that lets me analyze how people think, why they think that particular way, and what they use to express themselves. I don't know when I began to favor this mindset, but it has become blatantly obvious to me as of late that the career plans I have been set on for years are no longer what I aspire to do. I am a person who loves stability and predictability and I pride myself on being able to make a choice and hold myself to it. But the more I try to push myself into these tracks, the less I learn and the harder the classes become.


I don't know what made me realize it. I had a dream over a month ago that got my mind spinning. The vivid details, engaging plot, and familiar characters captivated me and I couldn't get them out of my mind. I tried to think of an already published book similar to my dream. What a brilliant book it would be, I couldn't wait to read it. But I couldn't find one. Toni Morrison's quote, "If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it" made me realize what I needed to do. I sat for nearly an entire day, typing out in detail my dream. And as I typed, more details about the world these characters lived in and what was going to happen to them appeared in my mind. I was excited and filled with passion. Then my computer, as it often does, got a virus and crashed. The twelve pages I had typed were lost, and with them, my inspiration. January was spent much the same way December was, questioning all of my choices. This past weekend, for unknown reasons, I finally sat back down and typed out what I remembered from the dream and story, changed some details, added more depth, and did some research. 


I am now more confident than ever about what I want to do with my life. My choice is ironic, considering how this was one of my initial career choices in elementary school that I had, for some reason, cast aside. Books, reading and writing have always been part of my favorite past times, although overlooked at times, but they keep coming back to me. This story has held onto me for so long, in such detail, and continues to evolve in my mind and I think if I don't even attempt to share it that it'd be a failure. I plan to continue with my degree in Genetics and minor in Japan Studies so that I can have a stable career should my books prove to be unsuccessful. But I have to do this, for myself. I can't even begin to describe the weight lifted from me, and how the pieces in my life seemed to click into place, when I had that moment of epiphany and realized what I had known as a child, and somehow forgotten.

Source

I hope all of you (the few of you there are who may stumble across this post) are able to realize your dreams and passions and find a way to work towards them.